SINGLE PROFESSIONALS: You write, I answer!

Saturday, June 06, 2009


Q: Hi, Chris:

I’d like your opinion on a recent dating experience.  I met up with a man I knew many years ago.  We talked briefly, and I told him to give me a call sometime. 

Within a few days he called and we decided to get together.  We spent a few hours catching up at a park, both of us saying it was a nice relaxing day, and we should do it again soon.

Next time I heard from him was four days later.  He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, he was too set in his ways, and we are too different.  I felt he was giving me a lot of mixed messages.

He had a really bad marriage and was afraid of being hurt again. He’s also in a state of depression. I explained we’ve all had bad relationships, but if you want to have a relationship at all, you have to risk getting hurt.

Where do you think I stand with this man? I think we would do well together, but I’m not going to chase him or hope for something that will never be.  I look forward to hearing from you.

--- State of confusion, California


A: Dear Bachelorette:

I had a few questions before I tackled your question, but I was unable to get a hold of you.  So I will read between the lines.

You initiated the original get-together, which in guy code is “hey, she’s into me; why not meet her?” 

I don’t know about you, but I want the guy into ME.  So he asks me out, not the other way around.  If that sounds too old fashioned, just read the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” by Greg Behrendt. (Make sure you read the book, which came before the lame movie of the same name.)

If you have a brain cramp and initiate something with a man again, don’t ever expect more than he can give you. Based on what you tell me, it doesn’t sound like he is ready now for any kind of a relationship.

It also sounds like this guy may be hiding something (are you sure he’s still not married?)  My educated guess is he still may be involved with someone, whether his former wife (if he’s even legally divorced!) or someone else.

If your friend truly is not involved with anyone, but still in a state of depression, then he needs professional help immediately.  He actually did you a favor by “ending” something, before it ever began

You deserve an emotionally healthy and available man who’s chasing YOU, because you're worth it, right? 

P.S.  One last thing.  When a man tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, take him at face value and MOVE ON.