tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77369252024-03-08T00:06:26.078-08:00ASK THE MATCHMAKER<i>Meet down-to-earth advice columnist, Chris Stelmack. She takes her readers on a special ride inside the tumultuous lives of single professionals; whose imperfect love lives can use a little boost from an experienced and savvy matchmaking pro. Her no-nonsense advice on life and relationships is appreciated by her readers and clients alike. Chris is the founder of the 4M Club, a millionaire matchmaking agency serving clients nationwide. Visit www.4Mclub.com.</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-49225401712908495282011-05-07T15:27:00.000-07:002011-05-14T13:34:43.296-07:00Q & A / Older Can Be Trickier Finding Love<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family:'lucida grande';">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Despite my positive attitude, I wonder if I am being unrealistic thinking I may find a mate in my 50's (marriage would be ideal.) I am age 54 and in excellent physical shape (gym!), smart (master's degree), extremely pretty (if you like long legged, blue-eyed blondes), and I am extremely witty, caring and loyal.</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Would a gentleman really care to get to know me, when there are so many younger women with the same qualities?</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Young at heart in North Carolina</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A: Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">While age 54 is harder to find a mate than age 34, it truly depends on your social circle or how active AND invested you are in seeking a partner.</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You sound beautiful and in great shape, and I bet you look younger than a typical 54-year-old woman. This is where it gets tricky, as I'm guessing you can be picky (rhyme intended.) If indeed you appear much younger looking, you probably are not going to be attracted to the average 54-year-old man (who may end up looking like your uncle!)</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If I'm entirely wrong about this, and you don't care about the age of the man or how good HE looks, then someone in his 50's or 60's is going to find you incredibly attractive and lucky to find you!</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">In an ideal world, we would all prefer a mate as close to our own age as possible. For example, it would be great if the man you're dating knows who the Four Seasons are (besides the 5-star hotel), as opposed to a 65-year-old singing along with Tony Bennett, or a 35-year-old more in tune with Pearl Jam. Although if you're a lover of music as I am, I can relate to most genre and time periods out there (which comes in handy.)</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you're asking do most men in their 50's desire younger? Well, yes and no.</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My own clients, who are multimillionaires, are in a class by themselves. Do they desire women 7-12+ years younger? Yes, almost always. When a mature lady meets a middle-aged, average Joe on the street, however, I would say the opposite holds true--most fear younger women and generally prefer their own age.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Lucky for you, these days you can just as easily meet a man 10+ years younger. He may even find you to be the cats meow and appreciate a beautiful, mature and wiser lady. Fortunately, it's not shunned anymore for an older woman to be with a younger guy (but in my eyes, make sure he's sought you out...not the other way around :)</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Please write back and let me know if any of this has resonated with you.</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Thank you for reaching out. I hope some terrific man is reading this and asks me to forward his contact info to you (which would make me a matchmaker by email, too!)</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Warmly,</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Chris a.k.a. "Ask the Matchmaker"</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">P.S. R</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">eaders, please share this on your Facebook, Digg, Delicious, Reddit, Twitter or any appropriate social media site--spread the word! I really do respond to all authentic inquiries.</span></span></span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></div> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-47855842147064268452011-01-01T11:01:00.000-08:002011-01-02T12:28:03.420-08:00Q & A / HOT MOM MAKES A PASS<!--StartFragment--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div>Q: Hi, Chris:<br /><br />Yesterday on New Year’s Eve, my girlfriend’s mother was a little drunk and made a pass at me. She is a really hot 50-something woman and have to admit I’ve fantasized about her now and then. I’m only 22 and my girl is 23. I didn’t do anything with her mom and did not tell “Becky” what her mom did. Should I just move on or get a groove on with her mom?<br /><br />--- Has a thing for hot mama in New York City<br /><br /></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br />A: Dear “Get a Groove On:”<br /><br />What you need to do is take a cold shower, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat 1,000 times: Becky is my girl, Becky is my girl, Becky is my girl, Becky is my girl...as many times as you need to say it until you believe it. I’m all for younger men dating older women, but NOT when they are already involved and certainly not their girlfriend’s mom. When you and Becky stop dating (um, sorry, my 2011 prediction), find yourself a hot 32-year-old and count your blessings.</span></span> <!--EndFragment--> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-36449844996115242402010-12-31T22:18:00.001-08:002011-01-01T00:51:50.244-08:00HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011<div><br /></div><div>Dear Readers:</div><div><br /></div><div>Who will be the first to ask me their burning question for 2011?</div><div><br /></div><div>I hope it's YOU.</div><div><br /></div><div>Just write me at: AskTheMatchmaker@yahoo.com.</div><div><br /></div><div>We'll put it on the site this week.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bless all of you!!</div><div><br /></div><div>Chris a.k.a. Ask The Matchmaker</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-20331508374540946462010-05-13T11:40:00.000-07:002011-01-01T11:21:58.014-08:00Q & A / Why Rush to Get Her In Bed?<span style="font-family:Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-weight: normal; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q: </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Hi, Chris:</span></span></div></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br />I recently met a woman who I really like, but she seemed rather reserved. How do I know how good in bed she’ll be, when she acted like an Ice Princess on our first date? I've asked her out again and she readily accepted.<br /><br /></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"> </span></span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">--- Can't wait for some action in Atlanta<br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"> </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">A:</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"> Dear Bachelor:<br /><br />Melt this Ice Princess with your charm?<br /><br />Seriously, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">when</span></span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"> you get to know her with NO expectations</span></span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">,</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"> it will win her over tenfold...and you’ll have your answer sooner than later.<br /><br />And what SHOULD she have done on a first date—maybe a strip tease act at the dinner table? Some men are never satisfied.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"> </span></span><!--EndFragment--></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Sex only complicates matters, so waiting for it until BOTH parties are truly ready will be a beautiful thing. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Keep it zipped up for now.</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-44592916209347226052010-04-27T15:02:00.000-07:002010-04-27T15:45:03.412-07:00Q & A / This Guy Is Just A Total Loser<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q:</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Hi, Chris:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I need to know if there is any help for my situation.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I met the owner of a small shop doing repairs on my car. After my car was fixed and bill paid, he sent me a text and asked if I was interested. </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We communicated by text for the next couple days. I told him I was used to phone calls and not texts. I was told he would call the next day and he didn’t (nor did he text.) </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">One week later I get a text telling me he had his kids for Easter weekend and he had been slammed at work. He said it wasn’t an excuse, just what has been going on.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I told him a guy who is interested in me generally keeps in contact. He texted back he didn't know me and wasn’t sure if he was interested. I told him when he figured things out let me know. I haven't heard from him in over a week. </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What is the proper way to reply to a guy who shows interest, and then says he doesn't know if he’s interested after all?</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Will I be hearing from this guy again? If so, how do I treat him? I have always been a doormat in the past, and I think I was too harsh with the reply I gave him.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">--- Baffled in Baton Rouge</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A:</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Dear Bachelorette:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This guy is a total loser with a capital “L” (for lazy?)</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">First, he’s the owner of a small business who hit on one of his customers. Maybe he thought it ethically smarter to text you? It wasn't, it was goosebumps sleazy.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Secondly, for all you know he’s married (or separated) and just looking for a little action on the side.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Third, he sounds arrogant and cocky, and not the least bit interested in you or your feelings.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">LASTLY, why did you even bother chasing this guy? Chasing or making demands never lands the man. There was nothing wrong with anything you told him, but it won't be necessary with the right guy (and he definitely is not.)</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Please take a crash course in SELF-ESTEEM, so you recognize when a man is really interested the next time around (‘Mr. Fix It’ isn’t your guy!)</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">P.S. When a man respects a woman (and vice versa), your communications together will flow naturally. This clearly wasn’t the case. If he were seriously interested, he would have asked you on a real date (even coffee!) within hours of meeting you. Instead, he played you for a fool texting only at his convenience.</span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Side note:</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Readers, texts and relationships are NOT a match. Texting should be short, sweet and NO CONVERSATIONS. Save important chats for face-to-face meetings or the phone (yes, the TELL-EEE-PHONE, from the Stone Ages.) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-77370050485344171672010-03-12T15:00:00.000-08:002010-03-12T17:52:58.570-08:00Q & A / Is He Just Cheap or Flat Broke?<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times;font-size:medium;"><div style="background-color: white; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:10pt;color:black;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I've recently been on two stellar dates with a man I met online. The second date ended in a memorable kiss. He has many of the qualities I'm looking for in a potential partner and I am very interested to learn more about him... except that I am concerned by a potential red flag: on neither date did he offer to pay.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The first date, I let it slide, as we just met for coffee. However, I was very surprised when, on our second date, he didn't stop me when I pulled out my wallet. After dinner, we went out for one more drink at another spot, and he didn't offer to pay there, either! </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">By no means am I a gold digger... and once it gets going, I actually appreciate a relationship that has some balance among partners. However, I'm still a little old-fashioned when it comes to the early stages of dating and am concerned about what his unwillingness to foot the bill might mean--either about his interest in me or about his attitudes about money in general. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If the man doesn't offer to pay... is this a red flag or, worse, a deal breaker? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Feeling used and confused in Buffalo, NY</span></span></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:small;">A: Dear Bachelorette:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', serif;">Two stellar dates? He sounds stellar cheap to me.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Huge red flags are flying here and everywhere! </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Yes, the man should always pay on the first date--and in my opinion, the 2nd and 3rd, too. Although I'm with you at some point the woman should step up to the plate (such as offer to pay by the third or fourth date, but never the first few!) </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And for those guys who ALWAYS like to pay (bless you), the woman should generously reciprocate with either home-cooked meals here and there, tickets to a concert, take him to HIS favorite restaurant, etc. No man ever wants to feel used, but there are still men out there who enjoy playing the role of "protector and provider." And when a woman takes care of her man, too (once you're past the initial dating stage), the whole world is a happier place :)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'm sure guys and girls in their 20's will dispute what I say, but you're in your early 30's...and that's about where the cut-off seems to be these days. Women 30's and older pretty much expect a man pay on a first date. Let twenty-something's do their own thing (okay, I still think a guy should pay the first couple dates, no matter how old or not.)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You seem enchanted with this fellow (and good men are hard to come by), but keep your wallet tightly tucked in your purse next time! In fact, why were you so quick to draw it out for coffee, dinner AND drinks?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The whole coffee things bothers me almost more than he not buying dinner (okay, they're both in poor taste)....but if the guy can't offer to pick up coffee, geez! The only exception is if he arrives super early and already bought his latte. Even then he should still offer to buy yours (it's what gentlemen do!)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'll nix your theory maybe he's not interested (assuming after your coffee date he's the one who asked you out for dinner.) A guy doesn't ask you on a second date if he doesn't like you, especially since he didn't even pop for coffee first time around.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Because you really like this guy, go ahead and explore things further---but under no circumstances are you to pay the next couple dates. I don't care if that means you have a face-off or get up and go to the bathroom when the check arrives (good idea in his case!)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One other thing---are you sure this guy is really employed? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">It could be he's out-of-work and truly flat broke. In this scenario, do you really want to continue dating someone who needs to get his act together? The last thing you want to do is fall for any, "I'm a victim of the economy and broke" act. If this turns out to be the case, he is in no position to date anyone until he has an income. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you know for a fact he really is gainfully employed, then please follow my earlier instructions. The truth will come out within the next few dates.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Your intuition is RIGHT ON, so continue to trust it. If you let him take advantage of your generous spirit again, then "tsk tsk" on you (but I know you won't let that happen :) </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Happy eating--on his dime next time. And the next.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">P.S. I like your generosity, though...but use it on a new guy you DON'T like. In other words, if you ever go on a first date and you absolutely know you don't want to see the person again (yet sense he's really digging you), I give you permission to pay up. I've done it myself a few times, out of guilt :)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style=" ;font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:10pt;"><div style=" ;font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style=" ;font-family:times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div></div></div></div></div></div></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-59846185586183500062010-02-19T17:10:00.000-08:002010-02-25T10:34:03.853-08:00Q & A / Weekend Lover Not Enough For Her<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:13px;"><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q:</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Hi, Chris:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I've been dating a wonderful guy for about 1.5 years now. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We met on a dating website and hit it off immediately. Both of us are divorced with kids, and our families have grown to love each other dearly! My kids are in college, and his two kids are in high school (one is going to college this fall.) </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">He knows I want to get married, but he is still dealing with issues. How long should I wait? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I certainly don't want to give him an ultimatum, but I also want to get on with my life. I'm going to be 50 soon (he's 48); I don't want to waste my time if he's not interested in marrying me. And if he is thinking of waiting for both kids to be in college, I'm not sure I want to wait four years. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We are together all weekend, but when school starts on Monday, he is back to being a full-time dad and only has time to talk to me by phone.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />I really do love him. He is the total opposite of my ex-husband. He is a real gem, but I don't know what I should do or say.<br /><br />Help.<br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">--- Frustrated in Ft. Lauderdale</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I hate to say this (and experienced it once myself); BUT, his kids come first and foremost--get used to it, or get out.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Since I don't see you "getting out," then deal with the fact he's a father first, and your lover/friend second. Personally, I think it shouldn't be a contest (ever!), but as someone who doesn't have children, it's easier for me to take this stance.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I think the real issue here is lack of communication. You've been with this man for almost two years, so you're way overdue for THE TALK.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Make him a lovely, romantic dinner and afterward take a stroll outside. Hand-in-hand, you can easily (and gently) tell him how you feel, and if he loves you as much as you love him, then he should take what you say very seriously. You have the right to know if this man plans on marrying you, and if so WHEN.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It sounds like you're his weekend lover. He shuts you out during the week (except for phone calls), when he turns into playing the role of Mr. Mom. While I commend his fatherly duties, it seems a little out-of-whack to me. Personally, if this man is crazy about you, he should sneak an evening or two during the work week. Even a quick bite to eat mid-week (with kids in tow or not) would be nice.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It sounds like a long-term relationship of convenience for him. Now go find out how much love there is in his tank (enough to marry you when you turn 50?) That actually would be pretty cool to celebrate both lasting love and your birthday!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">While you don't want to give him an ultimatum, please be very clear about your needs. If he's not going to start planning marriage with you (and yes, 4-years is too long to wait, if it's going to make you miserable), then perhaps this isn't the right relationship for you. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You're not playing games here--this is serious business. And kids or not, YOU should be at the top of his list too!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I hope he steps up to the commitment plate. Let me know.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><br /></span></span></div></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-79940440447609871342010-02-13T16:12:00.000-08:002010-02-25T10:37:33.088-08:00Q & A / 2nd Marriage Around Isn't Always Better<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><div><span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q:</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Hi, Chris:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span></span> </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I was married very young at age 17. We were high school sweethearts, and he was 19. We had a baby just short of our second anniversary. Then another, and another. We were really very, very happy and made an amazing team. We rarely fought and accomplished a lot in our life together. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">After about fifteen years of marriage, it really felt more like brother and sister; plus, I was now in my 30's and starting to see a little more of life. We ended up separating after 21 years of marriage. I finally met someone and he wanted me to get a divorce. I did and re-married. This man had lots of red flags. But in my defense, I had only dated my first husband and really didn't know a lot about men. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span></span> </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">These red flags include: he cheated on his first wife twice, he went to massage parlors, he objectified every woman he saw & could not keep his eyes to himself, and he could have a temper that would include name calling. And yes, I married him. I fell for him and in love with him. Those red flags were not the only thing about him.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">After several years with him I had enough, and we divorced. Through all this my first husband and I never were far from one another. We have always kept our homes close by and talk most everyday. He was the one I would always turn to, and I for him. Like I said, we are family.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span></span> </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My second husband is still very much wanting us to be together. I've tried, but I just don't trust or respect him enough to make the commitment again. And the man I truly admire is my first husband, but there is just no real romance between us. But both of us know each other, I mean really know one another. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We have known each other since we were 13 & 15. We are now 49 & 51. We have our children, our grandchildren, and we know the in's and out's of our family and navigate it all really well. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I know this might seem like a real no brainer. But what I have is great romance with one, and great friendship with the other. I find it incredibly difficult making such an important, life changing decision.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What would your advice be</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">? </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">--- Torn between two lovers in Phoenix</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A: </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You have so much wonderful going on with your FIRST husband, it would be a shame not to enjoy your remaining years with him. You obviously still love and respect each other.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You can build romance again--YOU CAN. You had great romance with him before, and somewhere along the way it went POOF (probably when the kids came, as often happens.)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">He was your sweetheart once, and he can be your sweetheart again. I actually recommend an audio series called, LIGHT HIS FIRE, LIGHT HER FIRE, by Dr. Ellen (marriage expert.) Go online and take a peek (there is also a free demo.) The website address is: http://www.lightyourfire.com/video2.htm.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It's a "course" you both can take and trust me, those embers will burn brightly and bigger than ever before! In fact, you don't have to be married to learn lots from her series; it's for singles in a relationship, too!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">FORGET about your 2nd husband already--he sounds like a loser x's ten. He is what's known as a BAD BOY, which all to often women fall for, and then one day wake up saying, "what was I thinking when I married him?" This man must have been really hot-to-trot in bed or in looks, but as you now realize, that can only carry a relationship so far. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Trust, kindness, respect, fun, love, romance and dignity, though, can last forever! Yes, it has to be nurtured daily and never to be taken for granted. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Your first husband sounds like a gem. Please stay with him for good this time :)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'lucida grande', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:small;"> </span></div></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-82526150408755559402010-02-09T12:26:00.000-08:002010-02-25T14:53:41.845-08:00Q & A / Emailing Nude Photos? Not!<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><div><br /></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q: </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Hi, Chris:<br /><br />I'm age 27 and recently met a man online. He does not live in my state. We have been talking and texting for about two weeks. Almost immediately, the issue came up about the sending and receiving of nude pictures. I was very clear in my desire to not be sent anything nude below the belt. </span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Our conversations have, a few times, included some "PG-13" sexual topics. Today, I open my email to find a nude picture of his goods - cropped, up close and personal! I'm shocked and offended.<br /><br />Why would he do that, after my explicit request not to?<br /><br />Should I ever talk to him again?<br /><br />--- "Oh no, you didn't!" in Denver</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A: </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">First, send me all nude photos men email you, so I can screen them personally (KIDDING!)</span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Bad joking aside, this is a serious offense and not to be taken lightly by the man who did this to you. I don't blame you for being shocked and offended, you should be! You made it very clear to him you wanted no nude ANYTHING below the belt. </span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For future consideration, how about insisting no nude or shirtless pictures period? Unfortunately, you sent mixed signals to this guy (having "PG-13" sex chats with him.) In his mind, you opened the door for more, and he ignored your "no nude photos below the belt" request. It was boorish and wrong of him to send it, regardless. </span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Unfortunately, this seems to be a fairly rampant problem with online courting. (Can we bring back romance again, please? You know, when men bought you a rose and handed it to you on your first date--rather than his body parts beforehand?)</span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It's very offensive if or when a man does this, and NOT sexy at all (let's leave it for the bedroom, okay guys?)</span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You ask if you should ever talk to him again? If all you want is more sex chat and nude photos, then yes. If you want to be treated like the lady you are, then shut the PG-13 theater down for good.</span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000FF;"><br /></span></div></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-22219493326889947472010-01-24T19:00:00.000-08:002010-01-24T19:40:09.715-08:00Q & A / Savvy Girl Dating Clueless Guy<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:10.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:10.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Q:</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> Hi, Chris</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">:</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I have been seeing my older brother's friend for about 2-weeks now. We hit it off at my birthday party and he got my number. He asked me out on a date a few days later and we went out that week. We had a great first date and both agreed we wanted to see each other again. We made plans for a second date, but the day arrived and he ended up canceling, saying his friend broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to hang out. </span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">This was the first mixed signal.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He ended up contacting me two days later and we went out the following day. We went to the movies and he held my hand throughout and after we went back to his house. Everything went great again. We didn't make plans for the next date, but I figured we would at some point. </span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My brother's girlfriend knows him really well, so she said to throw him a bone, because he has never been in a serious relationship and needs some encouragement.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Usually I wouldn't initiate contact with a guy, but I thought it would be okay in this case. So I asked him what he was doing on Saturday night. He said he was going out with a friend from work. I told him I was going to a party and we exchanged texts for a little while. Then I asked him "Will I see you this week?" and he replied after 20 minutes saying "we will see what my schedule is like."</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">What does this all mean? </span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I am leaving in about 2 weeks to do an internship in Vancouver and I will be gone for about 4 weeks. I am in my last semester in college and will be graduating in May, so I will only be home every few weeks until I finish school. He graduated a few years ago and is living and working in the neighboring town.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Is he afraid of getting too involved since I am leaving? Or is he just not that interested?</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Wondering in Boston where she stands</span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', fantasy;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, fantasy;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A: </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You seem like such a sweet, smart and lovely young lady—and now I have to be the bearer of bad news.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I deal with single men and women all year long, and I know from my own experiences: when a guy is into you, HE will be making the appropriate moves. And if you’re into him, you will follow suit as you see fit.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I know I’m becoming a broken record in this column when I advise women to read author Greg Behrendt’s book (and made into a movie last year), "He’s Just Not That Into You." I read the book when it first came out and laughed how Greg B. was so completely ON-TARGET. In fact, his book can easily work in reverse, too—“She’s Just Not That Into You.”</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As crazy as it sounds, men of all ages are first and foremost CONQUERERS. Your lad needs to learn how to conquer—and quite frankly, given he’s age 25 or 26 and has not had a serious relationship under his belt—um, I think I’d take a pass.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I know it may sound “mean,” since you obviously had a couple nice dates with this guy. BUT, he’s not exactly going overboard making you feel special—in fact, I’d say he’s making you feel just the opposite.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He needs date training 101—meanwhile, you’re way ahead of him. My vote is Fuggetta ‘Bout this guy. The less attention you pay him, the sooner he’ll wake-up and start paying attention (</span></span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">if he really is into you</span></span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">.) You’ll learn quickly if that’s the case or not!</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You have your whole life ahead of you. My sincere wish is you meet a hot, Gold Medal Olympian stud (while you’re interning in Vancouver) that CHASES you, to make up for this dud.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Meanwhile, “Mr. I Don’t Know How To Date” can continue as is—lose a good woman to a new guy (I’m crossing my fingers for you) who knows what he wants (YOU) and goes after it. You deserve no less.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Now go have a fabulous time in Vancouver, and let’s all chant for our athletes soon participating in the Olympics—U.S.A., U.S.A.!</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-13968233395963213092009-12-31T12:58:00.000-08:002010-01-24T19:14:55.884-08:00Q & A / Gift Didn't Exactly Knock Her Socks Off<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Q: Hi, Chris:<br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My new mother-in-law bought me socks for Christmas.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My husband just laughed it off and said at least she didn’t buy me “baggie white” underwear.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My own family always buys thoughtful and generous gifts for each other, so this came as a total shock to me.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’m not sure if I should be insulted or just grateful she bought me anything.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">P.S. My husband and I bought her a lovely sweater (she loved it!) and her favorite bath salts.</span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Seething in San Francisco</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A: Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Were they white socks or did they have little bears and giraffes on them?</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There are terrible gift givers and wonderful gift givers and everything in-between (get used to it.)</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I agree with your husband—and please be grateful (and gracious) you got a present at all.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Particularly in this economy, the old adage</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“it’s the thought that counts” has more meaning than ever.</span></span></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-32407933257203593492009-11-30T22:24:00.000-08:002009-12-01T08:48:51.531-08:00Q & A / MENTAL CIRCUS DRIVING HIM NUTS<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Q:</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Hi Chris:</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I am 47-years-old, and the woman I have been seeing almost four years is age 48. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">She may even be older. Strange I even think that, isn’t it?</span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I feel like I really don't know if she is ever telling the truth!</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">This woman is the complete opposite of what I deem normal when it comes to dealing with relationships (or lack thereof.) I call her on things and subsequently get the response I want, but only due to my ridiculously unexplainable need to want to be with her.</span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I do not trust her. I have repeatedly tried to let go, but without success. We constantly talk about what we need and expect from each other.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I try at every chance to do that and more. She on the other hand, will try to oblige me, but I end up getting non-communication. This is due to her lack of ability handling talking or even texting.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">She sites having panic attacks or problems that have nothing to do with me.</span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I've stuck with her through her constant irrational behavior and have always showed she can depend on me to be there. In return, she is hot and cold and never committing (although we have a great sex life!)</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And she does tell me she’s </span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">in love</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> with me, not just that she loves me.</span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">What the heck do I do...I could go on forever about the mental circus, but I know this is not the first you have heard of these things. Please help.</span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> --- Madly-Strangely-in-Love from Arizona</span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A:</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Dear Bachelor:</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Here is the long and short of it: why are you still with this woman? </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Besides her being great in bed, it seems to me you have little respect for her and virtually no trust. It sounds like she needs to work on way too much "stuff," particularly for a woman in her late 40's (or a lady of any age, for that matter.) </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The hardest thing to do is end a relationship, especially a 4-year-long commitment, as you two have shared—but you're miserable. I also know thinking about dating again sounds like a daunting process.</span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Yes, finding new love is hard work! Nothing worthwhile comes easy. On the other hand, you can make dating fun, too.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">That is what it should be, an adventure of the heart.</span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I must advise you end it with this lady, or forever hold your peace. You can do it—I know you can. Great sex isn't worth all this other messy stuff, is it? </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Now go hire a private matchmaker or join an online dating site (AFTER you have broken-up)—and shut down this mental circus for good.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span style=""></span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’m sending my love Gods your way—you'll need them!</span></span></span></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-85532859429158410562009-10-18T19:09:00.000-07:002009-10-21T09:53:37.841-07:00Q & A / MAN SHE DUMPS PLANS MARRIAGE WITH SOMEONE ELSE, WAY TOO SOON!<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My ex-boyfriend of 9-months and I broke up in May at my choice.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He was ready to get married and I was scared.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He started dating again in June and is now planning a wedding!!! </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I sent him a couple of cards in July and August, telling him I was sorry and had made a huge mistake (and if the chance came up, I would LOVE a 2nd chance with him.)</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He was married for approximately 15-years and divorced 14-years when we started dating.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We’re both in our late forties and went to school and grew up together.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">What's the chance of him really being IN LOVE with this 'rebound' (and IS IT a rebound?)? How can he date someone for 4-months and decide to marry her? </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Thanks for any advice!</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Killing me softly in Kansas</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><b style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A: Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ouch and double ouch.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Something similar happened to me many moon years ago (not once, but twice; not because I was scared that I know of, but rather other circumstances, which shall remain private.)</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">It wasn’t a nine-month relationship as you had, but five-years and <span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">six-years respectively.</span></span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">While I didn’t officially break up with them, I may as well have—I pushed my time limit with these two men wishing to marry me.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One got married 6-months after our break-up, and the other got married barely 3-months afterward.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The latter got divorced several months later (and then remarried AGAIN), and the first gentleman is still presumably and hopefully happily married for almost 20-years now.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I may have dodged a bullet with the second guy, but it still didn’t take away the sting and devastation when it happened—but enough about me!</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Regardless of who broke up with whom, the man YOU loved has fallen in love with another woman, and so soon after YOUR break-up.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Now you find out he’s planning marriage only months later with somebody else, and you want to know is it a rebound?</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Well, yes of course it’s a rebound.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You rejected him big time.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He asked for your hand in marriage!</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You begging him to come back didn’t help, did it? </span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">No surprise there.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’ve learned long ago, if something is meant to be, it will happen organically (or not.) The phone also works both ways. If he wanted you back, he'd be in your arms already (but he's moved onward and forward, and you must, too!)</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Crediting author Greg Behrendt as I’ve done before (from the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You”), they call it a “break-up” for a reason—it’s broken!</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Not everything broken can (or even should) be fixed.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I also agree with another author, John Gray…Men ARE from Mars and Women ARE from Venus.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We truly are wired differently.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So does it surprise me your boyfriend who wanted to marry you (but you weren’t ready and broke up with him) got back in the saddle so soon again?</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">NO.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">IT HAPPENS (and not just twice for me as earlier mentioned, but three times if you count back when I was just out of college—so consider me the poster child!)</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As an expert, though, in this crazy world of dating and matchmaking (I say with LOVE in my heart and much experience), I see and hear everything—and I must say, once a man is seriously rejected, HE MOVES ON.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Especially men in their 30’s, 40’s and older. There isn’t time for any doubt—they want a woman who wants what they want—WHEN they want it.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Basically, when a man wants to marry you and is ready to set a date—don’t mess around IF you love him unequivocally. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You weren't sure marriage was right for you at the time with this man. Accept things as they are and don't beat yourself up anymore—regardless how horrible it feels to be replaced in a millisecond. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Marriage itself isn’t right for everyone (says the deer caught in her own headlights.)</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You CAN have a loving relationship without marriage—particularly if children are not involved.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">That is a whole different topic I’d love to address one day, so readers, bring it on! (And NO, I am NOT anti-marriage. I am for whatever works as an individual.)</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Meanwhile, treat yourself to something wonderful (maybe a trip to Madrid, or a luxury hotel spa weekend in your own city, or even a new hairstyle!)</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you’re still suffering emotionally, please consider professional help.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Whatever it costs, it’s worth talking things out in person.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Finally, I am truly sorry this happened to you.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Through my own mistakes and some wisdom, I can tell you with conviction cut off ALL contact with your ex-boyfriend, DO NOT send him any more letters wishing for a second chance (never again, no matter how tempting!), and just LET HIM BE.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You WILL survive this “indignation” and be a better person for it.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You will also find love again or it will find you…on both your terms next time and when you’re truly ready for a long-term-relationship. Remember, not everything has to end in marriage either (true love can and does prosper in other choices of lifestyle, too.)</span></span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'm sending you lots of warm wishes and healing karma (please revel in it!)</span></span></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-23839043980978913092009-10-09T22:37:00.000-07:002009-10-28T17:32:17.894-07:00Q & A / PLAYBOY MAGAZINE CAUSING RIFF<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I am 56-years-old, divorced and have been dating my boyfriend (a bachelor age 51 and living in Maryland) for 2.5 years. As time goes on, I'm finding out he's more selfish and stubborn than ever. We see each other on weekends, taking turns with locations. We do have some wonderful times together, but then he has this totally different side which comes out of nowhere.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Since dating him, I've gained some weight (not obese) and I'm trying to get it off. He always says he loves me and my body as I am. I don't let my weight keep us from having a good sex life. His actions with Playboy publications, however, speak louder than words.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Here's the scenario:</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We went into a bookstore, so I could find the Mediterranean diet. While I was looking, he picked out a few books AND a 2010 Playboy calendar. When I noticed the calendar I asked him, "Are you going to buy that?" and he said YES. His response to "why?” was, "because I can.”</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I was visibly upset because he told me he would stop buying these at the end of 2008, and now I'm wondering why must he have this visual stimulation?</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">What an in-your-face contradiction this was to me and came across as disrespectful. He said he continues his Playboy subscription because he likes to read the articles, but it all seems like a lie now. I became silent and told him he hurt my feelings as it makes me more insecure about my body. When I tried to talk with him about it, he stopped me, said he didn't want to hear it. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He lashed back with a rude comment "you need to get over your insecurity", and we went our separate ways since Labor Day morning and still neither one has called the other.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He actually became angry with me because I was upset with him for hurting my feelings. (This always happens and I'm the one who typically breaks the silence.) I vowed this time to not do so and haven't contacted him. There have been a few other situations lately where he's been cocky.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My question is, am I wrong to feel so upset about his behavior with Playboy magazine/calendars? I'm thinking about dumping him, am I right?</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">-- Fuming in Fairfax, VA</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span></span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Playboy magazine is a pretty harmless magazine in my opinion, but I'm more liberal than most in those areas. Heck, I'd probably read it with him—as long as he doesn't mind my copy of Playgirl!</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Where I'm not so liberal is someone who comes across as disrespectful, arrogant and not very compassionate. Your boyfriend, pardon me, sounds like he's been displaying those signs much too often.<br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> It was rude for him to throw the Playboy calendar in your face, when he knows you want to lose weight and get back in shape. It was thoughtless and aggressive; he knew you went to the bookstore to buy a DIET book. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wouldn't be so hard on him, though, for reading Playboy itself or buying a silly calendar (and I agree with him about one thing--stop being insecure about your body!) He tells you he loves you and your body when you're naked, right? I would take that at face value.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As far as dumping him, unless he's consistently making you feel inadequate, I'd do exactly as you are now--DO NOT CONTACT HIM. It's his turn to come around TO YOU. As you stated, you're the one who usually breaks the silence. I wonder why that is? It sounds like you are insecure about your partnership. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Good relationships take a lot of work, and it's not easy for anyone at any age--but when you are 50's and older, it's even harder to find someone compatible.<br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">SO, if you have more wonderful times with him than not, I'd say hang in there and make sure you develop more of a spine. Demand he treat you respectfully with his words AND actions (meaning it's okay for him to read Playboy, but if he knows it bothers you, he shouldn't throw it in your face.) </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Otherwise, do not bug him anymore about Playboy--or you will come across as an insecure niggling nag, and no man wants that in his life. Also, your sex life is good, so his reading habits aren't affecting that area at all (and may even be improving it :)</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">On the flip side, if you experience more bad times with this man than good, maybe it is time you give him the heave-ho. Sounds like your boyfriend needs to decide how much he wants you in his life, too.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">P.S. While this may sound silly or "tit for tat,” next time you're in the bookstore with him, why don't you pick up a</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> Playgirl</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> magazine??? I would love to see or hear his reaction. I mean what's good for the goose, is good for the gander, right? </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Thank you for writing. I really hope you two can work it out, and if not, bye-bye Mr. Playboy.</span></span></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-21959691923607779892009-09-05T12:07:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:27:58.391-07:00Q & A / SHY GIRL MAY BE SIMMERING INSIDE<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman';"><div id="tabMessageViewerBody_headeri49_501252177471208"></div><div id="cg_msg_content" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; "><span id="lw_beacon_1252177472116"></span><span lang="EN"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: Hi, Chris:</span><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A shy girl in my work place is avoiding me. Whenever she sees me she gets nervous and confused. I want to ask her out, but I don’t know if she is interested or not ? THANK YOU.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">-- Confused 30-year-old in </span></span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1252177471_0"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Boston</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelor:</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Unless you're stalking the shy girl at work (which I presume you're not), then let's try an approach where perhaps she'll open up more easily. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You say she gets nervous and confused around you. That's a sure sign she may have a secret crush on you, too! </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">How about the next time you see her, find something to compliment her about and make sure it's genuine. For example, maybe she normally wears slacks or jeans to work, but one day she has on a cute, red dress. You can say, "Hey, Sally, great dress and color on you!" Then immediately start some idle chit chat. It can be anything appropriate like, "So what did you do last weekend?" </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">After she stumbles around and answers you, tell her something interesting YOU did. Then whether your conversation is awkward or not, go right into something like, "You know, I heard about a great art exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts, and I'm wondering if you'd be interested in joining me next Saturday afternoon?" </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If she's interested in you and available, she'll definitely say yes. When somebody likes you, they won't care so much what you do on a first date, as long as you ask them out. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Since you say she's the shy and nervous type, though, I recommend doing something where you don't have to spend the whole time talking. This means eliminate the traditional "first time" dinner date, until another time. Those can be nerve-wracking enough for non-shy types! </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Beside the art exhibit idea mentioned earlier, you can take her to a ball game (find out if she's interested in the Red Sox!); or maybe grab an ice cream cone and take a walk in a public park; or go to a theme park if there's one near by (who doesn't love a roller coaster ride and a giant cotton candy?)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You sound like a nice young man yourself. Please go for it, and let me know what happens!</span></span></div></span></div></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-14252271908258873322009-08-01T16:01:00.000-07:002009-09-05T13:12:50.297-07:00Ask me your question now!Hi, Readers: <div><br /></div><div>Although I'm taking off August, please shoot me an email and ask me your dating or relationship question. I'd love to add to the advice blog for September. </div><div><br /></div><div>When you write, please tell me your age, first name and city or state you reside. I will answer your question personally, even if we don't choose it for our blog. If we do post in the blog, your name is never used. We use the alias, "bachelor" or "bachelorette," for privacy reasons. <div><br /></div><div>You will have to email me through your own account for now; just copy and paste the following email address, along with your dilemma at: AskTheMatchmaker@yahoo.com</div><div><br /></div><div>I can't wait to hear from some of you :)<br /><div><br /></div><div>--Chris at "Ask the Matchmaker"</div><div> President of 4M Club Millionaire Matchmaking</div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-44537913087457545172009-07-25T11:50:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:28:51.707-07:00Q & A / SURFING DATING SITES IS A HAZARD<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’m an older man who’s been crazy about an absolutely gorgeous 40-something gal for three years now.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Although we’ve always been good friends, "Allison" and I recently took it to a whole new and intimate level.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I was on her computer and shocked to discover she joined three online dating sites. I found out about this only two weeks after our intimate encounter. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’ve always had some insecurity with women, but this has taken it to a whole new level.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">What should I do?</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’m really hurt by this and very confused.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Losing it in Los Angeles</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelor:</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'm sorry you discovered this; it is pretty devastating, especially if she joined these sites after you two became intimate, no less.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I have to ask, what the heck are you doing nosing around her computer? </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You alluded she recently joined. </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">How do you know she hasn't been on these sites forever? Or did you break into her account on the dating sites (if you knew her password) and learn when she joined? Or maybe it was her email you glanced through and saw "new membership" confirmations.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I don’t condone computer spying in the least.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But since the damage has already been done, I’ll continue.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you're not sure how long Allison has been on these dating sites, I'd give her the benefit of doubt. I hate saying this, but maybe keep an eye on her activity the next couple weeks. Online dating sites make it pretty easy to do a profile search for free. If you do check, please do so on YOUR computer, never hers!</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you know for a fact she just joined these sites, then I'm sorry to say she's NOT INTERESTED in you--bottom line. At least not interested for anything long-term.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Certainly bring this discovery of yours up to Allison, IF you can explain your actions. Or maybe it was more innocent than that (perhaps she left her computer on and you saw the damage on a window left open)... either way, you definitely need to have a discussion. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Trust is sorely lacking here, and without trust, you have no relationship. Or if she is dallying around at your emotional expense, you need to know that, too.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Online dating sites are the kiss-of-death for many otherwise solid relationships. I like to call it "grass-is-greener" syndrome. Society didn't have this problem pre-Internet; you actually had to work on your relationship, or otherwise wait longer to meet someone the old-fashioned way! </span></span></span><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’d love to hear from other readers about this topic—has your partner spent time surfing online dating sites, instead of working on the relationship? </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">How did you handle this situation when you found out?</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">This issue needs to be addressed. In the eight-years I've been professionally matchmaking, it's the NUMBER ONE subject coming up when interviewing candidates.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">This is serious, folks; and it's such unnecessary pain to put your partner through. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Let's not forget the Golden Rule: "do unto others."</span></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-11859581738317877262009-07-18T01:40:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:29:09.433-07:00Q & A / HE'S PLAYING WITH FIRE AT WORK<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'm a 29-year-old guy in love with an older married woman from work. She has no kids and loads of problems with her husband. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"Sandy" and I go to lunch almost every day, but I haven't told her my feelings. She's very unhappy and talks about divorcing this guy all the time. I fantasize about this woman day and night. I think she's into me too. I'm guessing she doesn't want to mix a bad marriage with an affair, which I'd like to initiate. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Short of quitting my job and forgetting Sandy, I'm really lost here. What should I do?</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--Lost in Louisana</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelor:</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Find a single woman who is available--Sandy is not. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You sound like a sweet guy who is fantasizing about the wrong woman. Sandy has enough on her plate, so please stop the lunches and make yourself as unavailable as possible. She needs a new sounding board <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">(translation: a professional counselor)</span>, because it's affecting you. Your frequent and convenient lunches don't help her situation either. In fact, they complicate it.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Don't quit your job. Promise yourself you won't fall in love with anyone else in the workplace, because it's rarely worth it. Or if you do, please keep it to appropriately available women.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Married co-workers "canoodling" with single co-workers is a huge no-no. So don't even go there.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You and Sandy shared lots of lunches together, so I know you like to eat. Sign up today for an evening or weekend cooking class. You'll find tons of lovely, single ladies who love to stir the pot--maybe even one of them with you :) </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Please write me again and let me know what happened in that cooking class! I'm keeping my food, er, fingers crossed.</span></span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-69388556696019415892009-07-03T18:10:00.000-07:002009-07-18T02:06:29.211-07:00HAPPY 4th of July!Stay tuned until next time. Make sure you take a peek at some of our previous posts. If you have a dating or relationship question yourself, please drop me a line at: AskTheMatchmaker@yahoo.com. <div><br /></div><div>All questions will be answered, whether posted on our blog or not. </div><div><br /></div><div>Have a safe and wonderful holiday weekend!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-39411443838664522602009-06-26T21:43:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:29:34.579-07:00Q&A / NICE PHONE BUDDY ISN'T ENOUGH<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande'; font-weight: bold; ">Q: Hi, Chris:</span><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'm 39 and have been out of the dating world for a while now.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I signed onto a couple of dating sites and I'm getting a good amount of responses.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I met “Greg” and we’ve been on three dates. On each date he's been a gentleman, romantic and engaging. I'm excited to be dating Greg because he is extremely active. It’s great because I'm in grad school and working full time, and I can't handle someone needing a full time relationship. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Recently Greg’s business has picked up and hockey season started, meaning less time for me. I'm annoyed because I've lost the sweet responsive guy who returned my calls and emails, to a guy who falls asleep after asking me if I'll stay up for him (late night phone call). </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I really like him, and I understand why he's tired, BUT I'm getting annoyed. I don't know if I should run or hang in there, as he's a really nice guy. My friends say I should stop calling him and make him work more.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Help, please.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Too nice in Atlanta</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">This one is easy.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">First, you’re having an email and phone relationship, which is NOT a real relationship. You both need to do a little more planning and SEE each other. Countless emails and phone calls waste precious time you and Greg can be spending together.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I understand you don’t want a full time relationship at this stage, but a part-time phone buddy and pen pal does not create romance.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And why isn’t Greg clamoring to see you? Okay, I'll answer my own question: by emailing and phoning him so much, you've given him no incentive to pursue you. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’m with your friends on this one.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Greg should be planning his next date with you, not asking you to stay up for late night phone calls (which he can’t even stay awake long enough to chat!)</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The word “lazy” comes to mind—for both of you.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Sorry, I call it (pun intended), the way I see it.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">No more emails and phone calls, please, unless it’s to plan your next outing.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Let him call YOU…it’s time he shows you are worth it. Tie your hands together if you feel the urge to pick up the phone, unless it's RINGING.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">____________________________________________________<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 17px; font-family:Verdana;font-size:11px;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 17px; font-family:Verdana;font-size:11px;">Single professionals are welcome to E-mail Chris at:<br />AsktheMatchmaker@yahoo.com, or send letters to Chris Stelmack,<br />P.O. Box 9871, Seattle, WA 98109. All letters become property<br />of the column. Visit Chris at www.4mclub.com.</span><br /></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-950307705416560682009-06-19T20:32:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:29:51.858-07:00Q&A / IS HE CHEATING??<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a popular rumor going around my group of friends. They say my boyfriend, "Russ," cheated on me with this one chick, "Jenny." No one has any proof, and my boyfriend never told anyone it happened. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">For a month straight, Russ was always hanging out with this one dude (</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Jenny lives with him.)</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Everyone thought Russ was cheating on me and for a little bit; I began to believe the rumors. I asked him more than once if anything ever happened between them, and he swears up and down nothing ever did. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">It drives me crazy because maybe he is telling me the truth, and maybe he isn't. I'm afraid I'll never know the truth. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If Russ did cheat on me, he is the only one who knows and will never admit it. I can't end our relationship over something that might not have happened. I find it hard for me to get closer to him, because the idea of him cheating is in the back of my mind.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I don't know what to do or how to handle this. Please help.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Miserable in Missouri</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Oh, dear. Where there is smoke, there is usually fire. And sometimes where there is smoke, that's all it is—smoke. Nothing more, nothing less. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You say if Russ cheated on you, he is the only one who knows. Well, we know that's not true. If he cheated with Jenny, then Jenny knows, too. Or if it was an </span></span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ménage à trois</span></span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">, then all three of them know: Russ, Jenny and "the dude."</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'm going to tell you, for peace of mind, please give Russ the benefit of doubt. Why? Because rumors can rear their ugly little head. Rumors are just that...rumor. Not fact.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You wonder what was going on when Russ hung out with his dude friend for a month.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Maybe your boyfriend just needed guy time, and Jenny was an innocent bystander. Since this dude and Jenny live together, where is she supposed to go when he has friends over?</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">At worse, maybe your boyfriend had a little crush on Jenny, while visiting his friend. That may explain why he was hanging out there a wee bit too often. If so, looks like he got over it, since Russ is not hanging out there as much.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As I alluded earlier, maybe Russ just needed some space and wanted to hang out with his friend. I'm all for giving space, </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">but never at the expense of neglecting your significant other. Maybe those are things you should talk about with Russ. </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And the next time he heads for "dude's" home, ask if you can hang out with everyone, too. That makes the most sense to me: you, Russ, dude and Jenny. Go out for dinner; go to a concert or go dancing—all four of you.</span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Now go put a big smile on your face and give Russ a big hug and kiss. Keep the fires burning, so home-sweet-home to him is hanging out with you, too :)</span></span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family:Verdana;font-size:11px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.6em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'lucida grande';font-size:13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; font-family:Verdana;font-size:11px;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.6em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'lucida grande';">____________________________________________________</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.6em; ">Single professionals are welcome to E-mail Chris at:<br />AsktheMatchmaker@yahoo.com, or send letters to Chris Stelmack,<br />P.O. Box 9871, Seattle, WA 98109. All letters become property<br />of the column. Visit Chris at www.4mclub.com.</p></span><p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-57467268469491296622009-06-06T00:02:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:30:16.017-07:00Q&A / MIXED MESSAGES AREN'T SO MIXED AFTER ALL<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I’d like your opinion on a recent dating experience. I met up with a man I knew many years ago. We talked briefly, and I told him to give me a call sometime. </span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi- mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Within a few days he called and we decided to get together. We spent a few hours catching up at a park, both of us saying it was a nice relaxing day, and we should do it again soon.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi- mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Next time I heard from him was four days later. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, he was too set in his ways, and we are too different. I felt he was giving me a lot of mixed messages.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">He had a really bad marriage and was afraid of being hurt again. He’s also in a state of depression. I explained we’ve all had bad relationships, but if you want to have a relationship at all, you have to risk getting hurt.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi- ;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Where do you think I stand with this man? I think we would do well together, but I’m not going to chase him or hope for something that will never be. I look forward to hearing from you.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi- mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">--- State of confusion, California</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi- mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi- ;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelorette:</span></span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi- mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I had a few questions before I tackled your question, but I was unable to get a hold of you. So I will read between the lines.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">You initiated the original get-together, which in guy code is “hey, she’s into me; why not meet her?” </span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi- mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I don’t know about you, but I want the guy into ME. So he asks me out, not the other way around. If that sounds too old fashioned, just read the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” by Greg Behrendt. (Make sure you read the book, which came before the lame movie of the same name.)</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">If you have a brain cramp and initiate something with a man again, don’t ever expect more than he can give you. Based on what you tell me, it doesn’t sound like he is ready now for any kind of a relationship.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">It also sounds like this guy may be hiding something (are you sure he’s still not married?) My educated guess is he still may be involved with someone, whether his former wife (if he’s even legally divorced!) or someone else.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi- ;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">If your friend truly is not involved with anyone, but still in a state of depression, then he needs professional help immediately. He actually did you a favor by “ending” something, before it ever began</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">You deserve an emotionally healthy and available man who’s chasing YOU, because you're worth it, right? </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.0pt;line-height:17.0pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="mso-bidi-mso-bidi-;font-family:Georgia;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">P.S. One last thing. When a man tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, take him at face value and MOVE ON.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi- font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana;font-size:11.0pt;color:#333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-25383166923669382122009-05-29T15:39:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:31:32.237-07:00Q&A / MANAGER TOO HOT TO HANDLE? / IGNORED CALLS AND TEXTS DRIVE FIANCEE' NUTS<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /><br />Recently a new supervisor took over our department, and she is hot. I get about four comments a week from other guys. Anyway we always end up hanging out late together, and she makes subtle advances at me. I want to sleep with her but she is my manager. How should I handle this?<br /><br />--- Chicago, late night work with hottie<br /><br /><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">A: Dear Bachelor:</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /><br />Maybe install a cooling fan in the office, so things aren’t so heated up??<br /><br />You seem to be handling your hot manager just fine, from where I sit.<br /><br />You don’t say if you’re hanging out late together at the office or outside of it. If it’s the former, as I suspect, keep things on a professional level. If her subtle advances are not harassment, but lighthearted flirting—you have my permission to go with the flow, but keep your evening office banter appropriate (i.e. no sexual innuendo chit chat!)<br /><br />Talking to her about your cat, favorite sports team, world hunger or the latest iPhone app, however, is all within bounds.<br /><br />Better yet, try and keep things strictly business. Do whatever work needs to be done, sans bantering, and hike on outta there. She can’t fault you for completing “late night” work and calling it a day. (Make sure after-hours work really is necessary, otherwise you’re just finding<br />an excuse to hang our with her.)<br /><br />Boss/supervisor relationships should never be condoned or acted upon sexually. Sometimes easier said than done, but worth it in the end.<br /><br />Kudos to you for keeping your head on your shoulders—and your hormones in check. Now she needs to cool her engines and act like a real manager.<br /><br /><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br />Q: Hi, Chris:</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /><br />My fiancee goes out with her girlfriends and ignores me. I can call or text her, but she won't respond. The few times I needed to find her she was exactly where she stated she would be, as I had to go there. How can I get her to answer the phone when she is with others?<br /><br />--- Phone funk with fiancee’ in Fairbanks<br /><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br />A: Dear Bachelor:<br /></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br />Your fiancee shouldn’t have to answer the phone when she is out with friends. Back in the day (with no cell phones), you went out and weren’t bothered by anyone.<br /><br />Where is your faith in your fiancee? Nothing is worse than your partner unnecessarily texting or phoning you, especially when hanging out with the girls. </span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">Unless she's with them more than she is with you, then we have a whole different issue to explore. But if it's not excessive, it doesn't sound like there is anything to worry about.<br /><br />You say the few times you needed her she was exactly where she said she was---it looks like you were checking up on her. Trust issues or insecurity seem to be an underlying factor here. This is something you’re going to have to deal with on your own, because it doesn’t seem to be her problem. If she’s faithful, as you’ve indicated, you have nothing to worry about.<br /><br />Unless you’re locked out of your home, or there is a fire, death, burglary, sudden illness or car accident, there isn’t any good reason to call her when she’s out having a good time. Asking her, for example, what time you should put the chicken in the oven, doesn’t qualify!<br /><br />If that’s hard for you to do, start training yourself: every time you start to text or call her, stop and eat a banana. Or a handful of cashews.<br /><br />Just keep your fingers off the dial pad!<br /><br />P.S. Let her enjoy herself when she’s with her friends. Use that time and do something fun for yourself—go to a movie, take a bike ride or visit a buddy you haven’t seen in a while. When she comes back home and sees you’re out and about, she’ll appreciate you even more :)</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-80676324723585852862009-05-22T21:39:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:32:07.419-07:00Q&A / AGE IS ONLY A NUMBER, OR IS IT?<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Calibri;"> <!--StartFragment--> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: Hi, Chris:
</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">What do women in there 40’s and 50’s (but look 10 years or younger) do these days? I don’t look even close to my age, yet I don’t want to lie. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Men online and the age I typically date rarely look in my category. Yet I look the same age of women many of these guys prefer. Sometimes I think I should put the age I look, rather than the age I am. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'm considered a very attractive woman and people every day mistake me for 10-years younger. I’m attracted to younger men and they’re attracted to me. I feel really stuck, and I’m not sure what to do.
</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">--- Washington state, Aging beautifully</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelorette:
</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">This question is near and dear to my heart. Here is what I’ve discovered:
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you’ve met someone OFFLINE on your own (like bumping into a cute guy at the grocery store), there is no need to mention your chronological age before you’ve had several dates. Even then it’s not necessary, unless he asks your age and you’re comfortable sharing it.
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you’re doing ONLINE dating, just select your age on the dating site as something silly, like 99 (although it might reduce your chances having appropriate men preview your profile and photos.) It’s certainly harmless enough to do, though. It makes its point in a humorous way, particularly if someone takes a peek and sees a lovely woman who is obviously younger than age 99.</span></span></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">This may even start an engaging conversation about why age really matters anyway! </span></span></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My personal vote for filling out online dating profiles may surprise you. However politically incorrect, I say if you feel a need, put the age “you look” (but PLEASE be realistic!) You know if this applies to you or not--I’m certainly not suggesting everyone do it. But it's also not a crime if you do. (Anyone under age 40 shouldn't even have to think about it. Pa-leeze!)</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Now getting back to our "Aging Beautifully" reader (by the way, she shared her photo with me and she looks FANTASTIC):</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If people you bump into regularly mistake you for 10-years younger, and are shocked to learn otherwise, use that number on your online dating profile. If that's not the case, then don't. </span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Let your inner voice steer you once you meet the guy. If your first date leads to a couple more, good for you! Your age at that point isn't really relevant. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As long as the person you’re dating isn’t looking to have biological kids, and you're not hiding any serious health issues from him, where is the harm? </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Let’s face it; if you’ve made it to date three, the guy is into you. From that point on, do what you feel is best and where your conscience guides you. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If the man is truly attracted to you, he probably won't care about your age at that point. He might be secretly thrilled to have captivated a wise and older beautiful woman. If not, then move onward and forward. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Think of it as his loss, not yours.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ageism is rampant in the U.S., and is generally less so in Europe. Men in Europe tend to appreciate a beautiful and older woman, just like fine wine. In the U.S., not so much. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’ll probably get flack for my response, particularly from men. So if there are any guys out there who wish to respond, I’d love to hear from you! </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I document and verify the age of all my members for my matchmaking club, but that’s expected for business and professional reasons. If I tell a client he’s dating a 38-year-old, then she's 38, because we’ve done a background check. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But if you want to chat personally, and not professionally, it’s not as black and white!
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Women AND men have lied to me about their age over the years (when applying to my matchmaking club.) Guess what? It's getting worse, not better. It's sad when society and the media view those over 40 as has-beens. While it's worse for older women (even women 35 feel ancient), I can see men are starting to feel the dreaded age issue, too. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Bare in mind, until you’ve experienced “ageism” firsthand (whether dating or in the workplace), you’ll never know how ridiculous it is or how hurtful it can feel. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Men in particular place such emphasis on a woman’s chronological age, rather than how she actually looks, thinks, feels and acts. I experience this often with my own clients.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Sometimes it’s justified, most of the time it’s not. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But in the world of upscale matchmaking, "give the customer what he wants." That doesn't mean I don't guide my bachelors when choosing potential soul mates (I do), but ultimately they decide who they wish to meet or not.</span></span></span><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And men, as much as we love you, PLEASE don’t equate older women with bad health or low energy—there are just as many younger women with health problems or little energy, as there are older women with no health problems and high energy! </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Best bet would be taking a health exam together, if that is what you’re worried about. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I am 100% for doing that, and it could be a bonding experience and informative at the same time.</span></span><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Your overall good health, body kept in shape and an interesting lifestyle, mean MORE than chronological age. </span></span></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or it should! </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Amen.</span></span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> <p></p> <!--EndFragment--> <p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7736925.post-1091345861502449582009-05-15T13:00:00.000-07:002009-10-10T02:33:25.709-07:00Q&A / HE JUST WANTS SOME HORSING AROUND TIME / TV EXEC’S MANNERS NEED A REWRITE / HEART SURGEON’S OWN HEART BRUISEDCHRISTINE STELMACK<br />Columnist<br /><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: HI, CHRIS: </span><div><br /></div><div>I’m a single dad, and I’ve been talking on the phone with this really great lady I met online, “Becky.” So far, we haven’t met in person. She owns and trains horses, and I’m looking forward taking my little girl horseback riding with Becky, as she's invited us numerous times. The problem is, there’s always some emergency which comes up in her life and getting together is postponed for the umpteenth time. Is she blowing me off?<div> <br />---Greenwich, CT—tired of waiting<br /><br /></div><div><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelor: </span></div><div><br /></div><div>Doesn’t sound like there’s going to be happy trails for you two any time soon, my friend. If I were you, I’d take my daughter to the nearest horse ranch and have yourself a ball. Becky’s life sounds a little too full right now. Take a pass on her. Unless you want to continue a phone relationship with a female version of Mr. Ed!<br /><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: HI, CHRIS: </span></div><div><br /></div><div>I went on a blind date last night, and I just couldn’t figure this guy out. He was bright, handsome, and a top executive in the television industry. We had a pleasant conversation and a great dinner. So why am I so put off? Well, first of all, he was staring at my chest all night, and I wasn’t wearing anything revealing. As if that weren’t bad enough, he didn’t even walk me to my car when our date ended. I was parked on a dark street and was scared to death. I mean how rude was that? I expected a lot more from such a successful man.<br /><br />---Livid in Los Angeles<br /><br /></div><div><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelorette:</span> </div><div><br /></div><div>Please never equate success with class. Apparently Mr. TV executive needs a bit of a lesson on social etiquette and manners. You can start by telling him why you don’t want to see him again. Write a note and spell it out. Like a script, he needs to see it in black & white.<br /><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Q: HI, CHRIS: </span></div><div><br /></div><div>I’ve been seeing this “to-die-for” actress for over six months. She’s driving me nuts, though, with her work schedule. I mean she’s on a shoot just about everyday for months on end. She lives, eats, and breathes acting. While she hasn’t reached the popularity of a Cameron Diaz or Julia Roberts, she’s in constant demand for B-type movies. I’m a heart surgeon, and while I also lead a hectic life, at least I make time for one. And because she keeps such crazy hours, our sex life is practically non-existent. I mean what does she need me for? I’m not sure what to do anymore.<br /><br />---New York City, desperate to be her leading man<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">A: Dear Bachelor: </span></div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, dear. I see two things happening here. First, you seem a little threatened by her career. Secondly, it’s clear your relationship is deteriorating from a lack of communication. I also haven’t heard the “L” word come out of your mouth, but I trust you do, or you wouldn’t be writing me. Please sit her down for a heart-to-heart and long overdue talk, doctor. And show her this letter. It’s time she include you in her life too. If not, she’ll wind up going to her movie premieres solo with a broken heart, and you won't be around to repair it.<br /><br /><br />PUBLISHING OR SYNDICATION:<br />For inquiries on publishing or syndicating the Ask the Matchmaker! advice column in print, online, or TV/radio, please contact Chris Stelmack at: 206-372-5798.<br /><br />All content property of Chris Stelmack. Any reproduction without prior consent is prohibited. © Copyright 2004, Chris Stelmack. All rights reserved.<br /><br />__________________________________________________________________<br />Chris Stelmack, president of 4M Club, caters to affluent bachelors<br />looking for their significant bachelorette. Single professionals<br />are welcome to E-mail Chris at: AsktheMatchmaker@yahoo.com, or<br />send letters to Chris Stelmack, P.O. Box 9871, Seattle, WA 98109.<br />All letters become property of the column. Visit www.4mclub.com.</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0