SINGLE PROFESSIONALS: You write, I answer!

Monday, November 30, 2009


Q:  Hi Chris:

I am 47-years-old, and the woman I have been seeing almost four years is age 48. She may even be older. Strange I even think that, isn’t it?

I feel like I really don't know if she is ever telling the truth!  This woman is the complete opposite of what I deem normal when it comes to dealing with relationships (or lack thereof.) I call her on things and subsequently get the response I want, but only due to my ridiculously unexplainable need to want to be with her.

I do not trust her. I have repeatedly tried to let go, but without success. We constantly talk about what we need and expect from each other.  I try at every chance to do that and more. She on the other hand, will try to oblige me, but I end up getting non-communication. This is due to her lack of ability handling talking or even texting.  She sites having panic attacks or problems that have nothing to do with me.

I've stuck with her through her constant irrational behavior and have always showed she can depend on me to be there. In return, she is hot and cold and never committing (although we have a great sex life!)  And she does tell me she’s in love with me, not just that she loves me.

What the heck do I do...I could go on forever about the mental circus, but I know this is not the first you have heard of these things. Please help.

 --- Madly-Strangely-in-Love from Arizona

A:  Dear Bachelor:

Here is the long and short of it:  why are you still with this woman?  

Besides her being great in bed, it seems to me you have little respect for her and virtually no trust.  It sounds like she needs to work on way too much "stuff," particularly for a woman in her late 40's (or a lady of any age, for that matter.)  

The hardest thing to do is end a relationship, especially a 4-year-long commitment, as you two have shared—but you're miserable.  I also know thinking about dating again sounds like a daunting process.

Yes, finding new love is hard work!  Nothing worthwhile comes easy.   On the other hand, you can make dating fun, too.  That is what it should be, an adventure of the heart.

I must advise you end it with this lady, or forever hold your peace.  You can do it—I know you can.  Great sex isn't worth all this other messy stuff, is it?  

Now go hire a private matchmaker or join an online dating site (AFTER you have broken-up)—and shut down this mental circus for good.

I’m sending my love Gods your way—you'll need them!