SINGLE PROFESSIONALS: You write, I answer!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Q & A / Savvy Girl Dating Clueless Guy

Q: Hi, Chris:

I have been seeing my older brother's friend for about 2-weeks now. We hit it off at my birthday party and he got my number. He asked me out on a date a few days later and we went out that week. We had a great first date and both agreed we wanted to see each other again. We made plans for a second date, but the day arrived and he ended up canceling, saying his friend broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to hang out.

This was the first mixed signal.

He ended up contacting me two days later and we went out the following day. We went to the movies and he held my hand throughout and after we went back to his house. Everything went great again. We didn't make plans for the next date, but I figured we would at some point.

My brother's girlfriend knows him really well, so she said to throw him a bone, because he has never been in a serious relationship and needs some encouragement.

Usually I wouldn't initiate contact with a guy, but I thought it would be okay in this case. So I asked him what he was doing on Saturday night. He said he was going out with a friend from work. I told him I was going to a party and we exchanged texts for a little while. Then I asked him "Will I see you this week?" and he replied after 20 minutes saying "we will see what my schedule is like."

What does this all mean?

I am leaving in about 2 weeks to do an internship in Vancouver and I will be gone for about 4 weeks. I am in my last semester in college and will be graduating in May, so I will only be home every few weeks until I finish school. He graduated a few years ago and is living and working in the neighboring town.

Is he afraid of getting too involved since I am leaving? Or is he just not that interested?

--- Wondering in Boston where she stands

A: Dear Bachelorette:

You seem like such a sweet, smart and lovely young lady—and now I have to be the bearer of bad news.

I deal with single men and women all year long, and I know from my own experiences: when a guy is into you, HE will be making the appropriate moves. And if you’re into him, you will follow suit as you see fit.

I know I’m becoming a broken record in this column when I advise women to read author Greg Behrendt’s book (and made into a movie last year), "He’s Just Not That Into You." I read the book when it first came out and laughed how Greg B. was so completely ON-TARGET. In fact, his book can easily work in reverse, too—“She’s Just Not That Into You.”

As crazy as it sounds, men of all ages are first and foremost CONQUERERS. Your lad needs to learn how to conquer—and quite frankly, given he’s age 25 or 26 and has not had a serious relationship under his belt—um, I think I’d take a pass.

I know it may sound “mean,” since you obviously had a couple nice dates with this guy. BUT, he’s not exactly going overboard making you feel special—in fact, I’d say he’s making you feel just the opposite.

He needs date training 101—meanwhile, you’re way ahead of him. My vote is Fuggetta ‘Bout this guy. The less attention you pay him, the sooner he’ll wake-up and start paying attention (if he really is into you.) You’ll learn quickly if that’s the case or not!

You have your whole life ahead of you. My sincere wish is you meet a hot, Gold Medal Olympian stud (while you’re interning in Vancouver) that CHASES you, to make up for this dud.

Meanwhile, “Mr. I Don’t Know How To Date” can continue as is—lose a good woman to a new guy (I’m crossing my fingers for you) who knows what he wants (YOU) and goes after it. You deserve no less.

Now go have a fabulous time in Vancouver, and let’s all chant for our athletes soon participating in the Olympics—U.S.A., U.S.A.!