SINGLE PROFESSIONALS: You write, I answer!

Friday, May 29, 2009


Q: Hi, Chris:

Recently a new supervisor took over our department, and she is hot. I get about four comments a week from other guys. Anyway we always end up hanging out late together, and she makes subtle advances at me. I want to sleep with her but she is my manager. How should I handle this?

--- Chicago, late night work with hottie

A: Dear Bachelor:

Maybe install a cooling fan in the office, so things aren’t so heated up??

You seem to be handling your hot manager just fine, from where I sit.

You don’t say if you’re hanging out late together at the office or outside of it. If it’s the former, as I suspect, keep things on a professional level. If her subtle advances are not harassment, but lighthearted flirting—you have my permission to go with the flow, but keep your evening office banter appropriate (i.e. no sexual innuendo chit chat!)

Talking to her about your cat, favorite sports team, world hunger or the latest iPhone app, however, is all within bounds.

Better yet, try and keep things strictly business. Do whatever work needs to be done, sans bantering, and hike on outta there. She can’t fault you for completing “late night” work and calling it a day. (Make sure after-hours work really is necessary, otherwise you’re just finding
an excuse to hang our with her.)

Boss/supervisor relationships should never be condoned or acted upon sexually. Sometimes easier said than done, but worth it in the end.

Kudos to you for keeping your head on your shoulders—and your hormones in check. Now she needs to cool her engines and act like a real manager.

Q: Hi, Chris:

My fiancee goes out with her girlfriends and ignores me. I can call or text her, but she won't respond. The few times I needed to find her she was exactly where she stated she would be, as I had to go there. How can I get her to answer the phone when she is with others?

--- Phone funk with fiancee’ in Fairbanks

A: Dear Bachelor:

Your fiancee shouldn’t have to answer the phone when she is out with friends. Back in the day (with no cell phones), you went out and weren’t bothered by anyone.

Where is your faith in your fiancee? Nothing is worse than your partner unnecessarily texting or phoning you, especially when hanging out with the girls.

Unless she's with them more than she is with you, then we have a whole different issue to explore. But if it's not excessive, it doesn't sound like there is anything to worry about.

You say the few times you needed her she was exactly where she said she was---it looks like you were checking up on her. Trust issues or insecurity seem to be an underlying factor here. This is something you’re going to have to deal with on your own, because it doesn’t seem to be her problem. If she’s faithful, as you’ve indicated, you have nothing to worry about.

Unless you’re locked out of your home, or there is a fire, death, burglary, sudden illness or car accident, there isn’t any good reason to call her when she’s out having a good time. Asking her, for example, what time you should put the chicken in the oven, doesn’t qualify!

If that’s hard for you to do, start training yourself: every time you start to text or call her, stop and eat a banana. Or a handful of cashews.

Just keep your fingers off the dial pad!

P.S. Let her enjoy herself when she’s with her friends. Use that time and do something fun for yourself—go to a movie, take a bike ride or visit a buddy you haven’t seen in a while. When she comes back home and sees you’re out and about, she’ll appreciate you even more :)