SINGLE PROFESSIONALS: You write, I answer!

Friday, June 26, 2009


Q: Hi, Chris:

I'm 39 and have been out of the dating world for a while now.  I signed onto a couple of dating sites and I'm getting a good amount of responses.

I met “Greg” and we’ve been on three dates.  On each date he's been a gentleman, romantic and engaging.  I'm excited to be dating Greg because he is extremely active.  It’s great because I'm in grad school and working full time, and I can't handle someone needing a full time relationship.  

Recently Greg’s business has picked up and hockey season started, meaning less time for me.  I'm annoyed because I've lost the sweet responsive guy who returned my calls and emails, to a guy who falls asleep after asking me if I'll stay up for him (late night phone call).  

I really like him, and I understand why he's tired, BUT I'm getting annoyed. I don't know if I should run or hang in there, as he's a really nice guy.  My friends say I should stop calling him and make him work more.

Help, please.

--- Too nice in Atlanta


A: Dear Bachelorette:

This one is easy. 

First, you’re having an email and phone relationship, which is NOT a real relationship. You both need to do a little more planning and SEE each other. Countless emails and phone calls waste precious time you and Greg can be spending together. 

I understand you don’t want a full time relationship at this stage, but a part-time phone buddy and pen pal does not create romance.  And why isn’t Greg clamoring to see you?  Okay, I'll answer my own question:  by emailing and phoning him so much, you've given him no incentive to pursue you. 

I’m with your friends on this one.  Greg should be planning his next date with you, not asking you to stay up for late night phone calls (which he can’t even stay awake long enough to chat!)

The word “lazy” comes to mind—for both of you.  Sorry, I call it (pun intended), the way I see it.

No more emails and phone calls, please, unless it’s to plan your next outing.  Let him call YOU…it’s time he shows you are worth it.  Tie your hands together if you feel the urge to pick up the phone, unless it's RINGING.


Single professionals are welcome to E-mail Chris at:, or send letters to Chris Stelmack,
P.O. Box 9871, Seattle, WA 98109.  All letters become property
of the column. Visit Chris at